This is a very suitable nice song for this the last chapter : A drop of tears in my cup of love.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A drop of tears in my cup of love. (Chapter 6)
21/07/10
Today is a very fresh morning full with morning dew, because it’s been raining through out the whole night. When I look at how the sunrise finally clear up the sky, I just couldn’t help to wish my love for him will be just like a sunrise, finally he will come back and take me to be his beloved girl. A very unrealistic dream for me all this while, but not many people know about the existence of him in my life. Maybe I don’t wish others to know so much about me.
Since I’m a perfectionist, I appear to be cold, demanding and a little of snobbish in the public eyes. I’ve never ever regret in any cold actions I’ve done to any guys but just ONE. This ONE that I will never forgive my self for doing it until today and I live in regrets. Inside the cold heart of mine, there is a little warm corner there to keep him safe and buried deep inside with love. Maybe this is the reason why I’m not satisfied with all other guys coming to me.
So…let’s begin this heart aching love story.
Tommy used to be my childhood best friend in pre-school. Guess I’ve highlighted it in one of the chapters back right? Thinking back it is kind of sweet and cute of us. We would spend our recess time together everyday, and we would eat and play behind the generator box at the school field. We were only 10 years old that time. My mom forbids me from keeping long hair last time. So I’m the only weird boy-cut hair girl in the whole school. I’ve not much friends because of that and most of my little classmates loves to make fun of me looking like a boy but wearing a skirt. Tommy is the only friend that is willing to become my best friend and wait for me in front of the classroom door every time the recess-time-bell rings.
We had many things in common, and so our conversation daily will never come to an end. Lol! And even after school hours at home, he will still call me on the house phone to discuss about homework and some simple afternoon chat. Our family knew us well and since it’s a very healthy friendship they are very supportive as well.
Things change when we reach 11 and a halve years old when my stupid perfectionist character develop way beyond than just a child’s thinking. Tommy is not consider a good looking kid. He is a skinny kid with a normal sleepy eyes looks, but he have a big heart and is the kindest friend that I’ve ever known in my life. During standard 5, I had a puppy crush on another top class boy kid and his family is rich. He is very cute with nice complexion.
I tried to befriend him and wasted my own school saving money to buy birthday present for him. Of course, he don’t appreciate much with my tom-boy looks, and so I bag my mom for me to keep my hair till my shoulder.
After I had my hair long, I begin to bloom as well. I love the way I look and when relatives were praising how pretty I’ve grown up to be, I was so happy! As for Tommy, He is still the skinny simple looking kid but he never change his warm heart friendship towards me. The kid I’ve crush on begin to accept me as his little puppy love girlfriend. It was a happy time for me, but when other friends were asking me whether I choose Tommy or him, I was irritated. I told them Tommy was just my best friend. My friends do not believe and kept on teasing me & Tommy instead of the kid I like.
One day, I did a very stupid and dump decision in my life. This is the decision where I regret up to today itself. When Tommy is waiting at the front door of my class for recess, I ignored him. I walk past him and head to the classroom of my crush. He kept on calling up to me and asked me why I am doing this to him. I Just walk away leaving him with a sad face behind. I totally stop being friends with Tommy just to stop other friends from teasing me. I thought this is great and I’ve better chance with my crush. (I feels like jumping back into the scene & slap myself in that year and killing her for doing this to Tommy!)
Days pass by, and Tommy found a new friend to be with, but looking at his eyes when I pass by, I know the girl can never replace me. My heart does not feel good. I don’t know why. Especially when I see him with that new girl. I feel as though I’ve been replaced. I began to miss my time with Tommy, but I’m too ego to say sorry and make up with him again. So I leave it to be.
We finished pre-school and the last time I met him before we went to different high-school was in a mall. He just glares at me from far and I wanted to say sorry but no words escaped from my mouth because of my own pride. After that, we never meet again.
During high school, I was an unhappy teenage girl. I seldom talks and concentrate on my studies. There are guys that come and go in my life through out my school days, but it wouldn’t last long and I felt unhappy. At year 4, I wanted to find Tommy. I wanted to tell him I’m so sorry and that I really like to be with him. But I could not find him as I threw away his address and number when I’m 11 years old last time.
These regretful feelings were buried in my heart right till I entered college. I grew to be more cold hearted and quite a lonely girl at college, thank God I’ve a few friends to accompany me when I’m down. Do you believe in “what comes around goes around?” Later on in life I found out that I & Tommy were in the same college. His course floor is just beneath my course floor, but we never met at all for 2 and a halve years studying there. I don’t even know he studies there. I feel like God is punishing me for dumping this good friend aside last time and now I can’t have him back forever.
When I entered the working world, “friendster” is a hit online ;) Suddenly, Tommy came into my mind again and I tried to search for his name in friendster. Yes.. he is in friendster. I was so speechless happy and message him in friendster adding him as my friend there. Next few days I was waiting impatiently for his responds. At last Tommy replied. He says Hi and how am I doing all these years. He seems to forget how bad I’ve treated him. But I still goes for an apologize to him for what I’ve done to our friendship and hopes he will forgive me. He just laughs it away and says it’s been so many years and he has forgotten it. He says no worries he forgave me. A relieved escape from my heart when I found him and he forgave me.
Things are not the same again, but he has never change. He is still the warm hearted kind guy like the small kid last time. Result from this, many girls like to befriend with him, and those girls are very pretty with great body figure! But surprisingly he is still a single.
I wanted to meet him again, and catch up with him on how he’s doing recently. He said he would like to, but he can’t, because he have taken up a job situated in Singapore and flying around to different countries every week. He is an air steward.
That’s it. I’ve lost him forever and now he is busy flying everywhere… I did cried and I did depress about it, but that wouldn’t change anything to it.
It’s been 2 years, and last year he called me up in month of July. That month I just recover from a very ill sickness and I’m quite weak. I was surprised he called to meet up because he had 2 weeks leave to rest in Malaysia. Of course I’m dancing in joy and can’t wait for the day to come. Finally on a fine Wednesday we met up for lunch but he also called the other girl to join us. (The 1 that replace me in pre-school last time). Waiting inside a Japanese decorative store, I’m so anxious and having butterflies fluttering in my tummy. Finally he called and told me he is outside waiting. The girl was late. So we got to meet up in 2 for quite some time before she comes, which is good.hahah!
I slowly walk out of the shop, and saw a skinny simple looking guy standing there in the middle waiting patiently with a smile.
Suddenly, the view of pre-school time flash back to me at once. That’s how he waited for me everyday in front of the class door.
And comes back to senses I was standing in front of him. He is so tall! And he still has those cute sleepy eyes! Okay… I know everyone must be thinking me falling for a skinny simple guy is impossible, but he is not just any simple guy…he is Tommy!
He said hello and we walk to a bench to sit down and have a chat while waiting for another girl. Sitting side by side brings back the feeling of us during childhood and my heart is burning with unexplainable happiness. We had a good chat and surprised that so many things has happen to each other’s life through out these years.
After some time, that girl arrives and we went to a restaurant to have our lunch. I was amaze that Tommy can actually eat a lot even though he is thin. I could not eat much as I said I just recovered from a major illness and I don’t look my best too. I look quite weak with tired complexion. I seem not to care much about that, right there I just care about how happy I was to have met Tommy again. Happy times was finally over, and he have to go by evening. I feel so much like freezing up the time and ask him to stay. Finally he’s gone again after a good bye.
That was the last time I saw him till today. We did contact each other in msn or facebook, but most of the time he is busy flying from country to country. In September last year when I visited Singapore I can’t even meet him because he’s away to Beijing,China. Now everyday I do meet new guys but as u read those chapters behind…they sux. They can never be like Tommy.
But I know is too late…with his job, we are separated forever and this is the result of me being such a nut crap! During my childhood. Even though he has forgiven me, but I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to him last time.
I miss him so much everyday of my life and I hope that he will come back home for good so that I could tell him the hidden words in my heart for all these years… “I Love You Tommy”…
Ps : You know I actually saw the rich cute kid last time that I had crush on when I left Tommy? He just walked past the street in front of me 1 day. He’s a fat, sloppy guy with very bad pimple face and looks so eww now! Yucks! :p
Today is a very fresh morning full with morning dew, because it’s been raining through out the whole night. When I look at how the sunrise finally clear up the sky, I just couldn’t help to wish my love for him will be just like a sunrise, finally he will come back and take me to be his beloved girl. A very unrealistic dream for me all this while, but not many people know about the existence of him in my life. Maybe I don’t wish others to know so much about me.
Since I’m a perfectionist, I appear to be cold, demanding and a little of snobbish in the public eyes. I’ve never ever regret in any cold actions I’ve done to any guys but just ONE. This ONE that I will never forgive my self for doing it until today and I live in regrets. Inside the cold heart of mine, there is a little warm corner there to keep him safe and buried deep inside with love. Maybe this is the reason why I’m not satisfied with all other guys coming to me.
So…let’s begin this heart aching love story.
Tommy used to be my childhood best friend in pre-school. Guess I’ve highlighted it in one of the chapters back right? Thinking back it is kind of sweet and cute of us. We would spend our recess time together everyday, and we would eat and play behind the generator box at the school field. We were only 10 years old that time. My mom forbids me from keeping long hair last time. So I’m the only weird boy-cut hair girl in the whole school. I’ve not much friends because of that and most of my little classmates loves to make fun of me looking like a boy but wearing a skirt. Tommy is the only friend that is willing to become my best friend and wait for me in front of the classroom door every time the recess-time-bell rings.
We had many things in common, and so our conversation daily will never come to an end. Lol! And even after school hours at home, he will still call me on the house phone to discuss about homework and some simple afternoon chat. Our family knew us well and since it’s a very healthy friendship they are very supportive as well.
Things change when we reach 11 and a halve years old when my stupid perfectionist character develop way beyond than just a child’s thinking. Tommy is not consider a good looking kid. He is a skinny kid with a normal sleepy eyes looks, but he have a big heart and is the kindest friend that I’ve ever known in my life. During standard 5, I had a puppy crush on another top class boy kid and his family is rich. He is very cute with nice complexion.
I tried to befriend him and wasted my own school saving money to buy birthday present for him. Of course, he don’t appreciate much with my tom-boy looks, and so I bag my mom for me to keep my hair till my shoulder.
After I had my hair long, I begin to bloom as well. I love the way I look and when relatives were praising how pretty I’ve grown up to be, I was so happy! As for Tommy, He is still the skinny simple looking kid but he never change his warm heart friendship towards me. The kid I’ve crush on begin to accept me as his little puppy love girlfriend. It was a happy time for me, but when other friends were asking me whether I choose Tommy or him, I was irritated. I told them Tommy was just my best friend. My friends do not believe and kept on teasing me & Tommy instead of the kid I like.
One day, I did a very stupid and dump decision in my life. This is the decision where I regret up to today itself. When Tommy is waiting at the front door of my class for recess, I ignored him. I walk past him and head to the classroom of my crush. He kept on calling up to me and asked me why I am doing this to him. I Just walk away leaving him with a sad face behind. I totally stop being friends with Tommy just to stop other friends from teasing me. I thought this is great and I’ve better chance with my crush. (I feels like jumping back into the scene & slap myself in that year and killing her for doing this to Tommy!)
Days pass by, and Tommy found a new friend to be with, but looking at his eyes when I pass by, I know the girl can never replace me. My heart does not feel good. I don’t know why. Especially when I see him with that new girl. I feel as though I’ve been replaced. I began to miss my time with Tommy, but I’m too ego to say sorry and make up with him again. So I leave it to be.
We finished pre-school and the last time I met him before we went to different high-school was in a mall. He just glares at me from far and I wanted to say sorry but no words escaped from my mouth because of my own pride. After that, we never meet again.
During high school, I was an unhappy teenage girl. I seldom talks and concentrate on my studies. There are guys that come and go in my life through out my school days, but it wouldn’t last long and I felt unhappy. At year 4, I wanted to find Tommy. I wanted to tell him I’m so sorry and that I really like to be with him. But I could not find him as I threw away his address and number when I’m 11 years old last time.
These regretful feelings were buried in my heart right till I entered college. I grew to be more cold hearted and quite a lonely girl at college, thank God I’ve a few friends to accompany me when I’m down. Do you believe in “what comes around goes around?” Later on in life I found out that I & Tommy were in the same college. His course floor is just beneath my course floor, but we never met at all for 2 and a halve years studying there. I don’t even know he studies there. I feel like God is punishing me for dumping this good friend aside last time and now I can’t have him back forever.
When I entered the working world, “friendster” is a hit online ;) Suddenly, Tommy came into my mind again and I tried to search for his name in friendster. Yes.. he is in friendster. I was so speechless happy and message him in friendster adding him as my friend there. Next few days I was waiting impatiently for his responds. At last Tommy replied. He says Hi and how am I doing all these years. He seems to forget how bad I’ve treated him. But I still goes for an apologize to him for what I’ve done to our friendship and hopes he will forgive me. He just laughs it away and says it’s been so many years and he has forgotten it. He says no worries he forgave me. A relieved escape from my heart when I found him and he forgave me.
Things are not the same again, but he has never change. He is still the warm hearted kind guy like the small kid last time. Result from this, many girls like to befriend with him, and those girls are very pretty with great body figure! But surprisingly he is still a single.
I wanted to meet him again, and catch up with him on how he’s doing recently. He said he would like to, but he can’t, because he have taken up a job situated in Singapore and flying around to different countries every week. He is an air steward.
That’s it. I’ve lost him forever and now he is busy flying everywhere… I did cried and I did depress about it, but that wouldn’t change anything to it.
It’s been 2 years, and last year he called me up in month of July. That month I just recover from a very ill sickness and I’m quite weak. I was surprised he called to meet up because he had 2 weeks leave to rest in Malaysia. Of course I’m dancing in joy and can’t wait for the day to come. Finally on a fine Wednesday we met up for lunch but he also called the other girl to join us. (The 1 that replace me in pre-school last time). Waiting inside a Japanese decorative store, I’m so anxious and having butterflies fluttering in my tummy. Finally he called and told me he is outside waiting. The girl was late. So we got to meet up in 2 for quite some time before she comes, which is good.hahah!
I slowly walk out of the shop, and saw a skinny simple looking guy standing there in the middle waiting patiently with a smile.
Suddenly, the view of pre-school time flash back to me at once. That’s how he waited for me everyday in front of the class door.
And comes back to senses I was standing in front of him. He is so tall! And he still has those cute sleepy eyes! Okay… I know everyone must be thinking me falling for a skinny simple guy is impossible, but he is not just any simple guy…he is Tommy!
He said hello and we walk to a bench to sit down and have a chat while waiting for another girl. Sitting side by side brings back the feeling of us during childhood and my heart is burning with unexplainable happiness. We had a good chat and surprised that so many things has happen to each other’s life through out these years.
After some time, that girl arrives and we went to a restaurant to have our lunch. I was amaze that Tommy can actually eat a lot even though he is thin. I could not eat much as I said I just recovered from a major illness and I don’t look my best too. I look quite weak with tired complexion. I seem not to care much about that, right there I just care about how happy I was to have met Tommy again. Happy times was finally over, and he have to go by evening. I feel so much like freezing up the time and ask him to stay. Finally he’s gone again after a good bye.
That was the last time I saw him till today. We did contact each other in msn or facebook, but most of the time he is busy flying from country to country. In September last year when I visited Singapore I can’t even meet him because he’s away to Beijing,China. Now everyday I do meet new guys but as u read those chapters behind…they sux. They can never be like Tommy.
But I know is too late…with his job, we are separated forever and this is the result of me being such a nut crap! During my childhood. Even though he has forgiven me, but I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to him last time.
I miss him so much everyday of my life and I hope that he will come back home for good so that I could tell him the hidden words in my heart for all these years… “I Love You Tommy”…
Ps : You know I actually saw the rich cute kid last time that I had crush on when I left Tommy? He just walked past the street in front of me 1 day. He’s a fat, sloppy guy with very bad pimple face and looks so eww now! Yucks! :p
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
A Phua Chu Kang Date?!!! (Chapter 5)
19/07/2010
It’s been so long I didn’t blog because last week was a super busy week at work.. I feel as though my body is falling apart everyday coming home from my work day. Oh well, that is a working life babe.
Anyway, I have another funny date story to tell about. It happens last 2 week’s Friday ago. This guy is funny & disgusting at the same time. Even when I have not met him in person, his phone calls conversation is enough to kill me! Nelson is a sales executive guy. I think that’s what he calls himself as because from what I know, he is just a sales representative person who runs around selling hand phone parts. Alright...so maybe I shouldn’t judge him by his job and is unfair right? Fine~... Wait till you hear this conversation on the phone when he asked me out for a date!
“Hello! You are..err..CARELINE right? Hi. I’m Nelson!” you see, I hate people pronouncing my name wrongly, especially when he calls me CARELINE! I’m not a toll booth for careline customer centre!! I’m Caroline!
It’s been so long I didn’t blog because last week was a super busy week at work.. I feel as though my body is falling apart everyday coming home from my work day. Oh well, that is a working life babe.
Anyway, I have another funny date story to tell about. It happens last 2 week’s Friday ago. This guy is funny & disgusting at the same time. Even when I have not met him in person, his phone calls conversation is enough to kill me! Nelson is a sales executive guy. I think that’s what he calls himself as because from what I know, he is just a sales representative person who runs around selling hand phone parts. Alright...so maybe I shouldn’t judge him by his job and is unfair right? Fine~... Wait till you hear this conversation on the phone when he asked me out for a date!
“Hello! You are..err..CARELINE right? Hi. I’m Nelson!” you see, I hate people pronouncing my name wrongly, especially when he calls me CARELINE! I’m not a toll booth for careline customer centre!! I’m Caroline!
After I corrected him to pronounce my name, I notice that his English is damn bad and he can’t even build a simple english sentence for a proper conversation. And he is not even a Chinese educated at all..! He is in sekolah kebangsaan (Government school) just like me, but he’s in those kind of back classes. So it makes him like a non-mandarin and also non-english = rojak phua chu kang guy!! Add on to the disgusting phone call conversation, he said “hey erm, u don’t mind I come to meet you right after work ya? Cause u know my job runs around… so I might smells you know? hahahahahah! if you can take it lah...sorry ah wei! I like to joke a lot and very direct! Hope u don’t mind!” sounds like phua chu kang? Haha.. wait till you read the following speech. “so…u really don’t mind?? I might smells like the big smelly drain or worst like shit! Buahahahahrr!!” I was speechless and wanted to reject this date so much!
He sounds not just like PCK but also like sort of pasar malam hawkers style which really piss me off! I knew I had no choice as this is the 2nd guy in the package for that stupid hell blind dates which I will never ever try again! I just told him to come on time and I shut off my phone whenever he calls. Cause it really discuss me a lot even by only listening to his voice and laughter.
On the day itself, I was so reluctant like a poor kitty being drag to the bathtub for a warm bathe. Mourning away in my heart I drag myself to meet Nelson who’s already waiting at the restaurant.
Sitting there at a corner was a skinny guy dress in working attire, wearing glasses, dark complexion, face with some pimples and overall fail for the outlook in my list!
During conversation I tried to look at him closely, and notice he have deep sunken eyes beneath the glasses. And poor skin condition. This guy really needs a dermatology :s he also have bad breath and when he speaks closely to me.. well… now he does smells like big smelly drain!
The dinner was a torture for me again. He talks non-stop and his broken pasar English is making me sick! I feels like I’m having dinner with a fish monger at the wet market! This is an example of his boring conversation : “So in normal days what do you do ah?? Do you go out at night a lot? For me I just go home everyday after work and watch TV astro. Cuz u know lah..after a work day so tired hor.. haha!”
“How many times you have been courting before ah?? How many exes you have so far? But see your looks also I can guess more than 15 lah..! hahahar!”
And this is the most funny statement from him: “Nowadays ah..lots of ‘leng muis’ (young girls) like to talk about ‘fewl’ (feelings). But for me, I think is stupid! Cause my 3 exes also we have no ‘fewl’ but I just go along to make our ‘fewl’ come out after some years. Do you agree??” My answer was : “I totally disagree, because it is important to have feelings for your partner in a relationship. Either wise why wasting time to be together?, I must as well find other friends to be with during my fun time, is just the same as going out with some1 that I don’t have feelings with. And by the way you broke up with all of them in the end because you still can’t have the feelings out for them. You’re just wasting your time.”
Surprisingly this guy is also quite good in debating in his ‘ah beng’ style. He replied “No no.. I broke up because they all like to go clubbing too much. They smoke and drink. So what I want is a good girl that suitable to be a wife and my mother always rushing me to find 1.hahaha!” At the moment I feels like I’m going to throw up my halve eaten chicken on my dinner plate. I can’t imagine me being a wife to this disgusting guy in front of me! Nightmaressss!!...
When the torturing dinner is finally finished, he asked for the bill. And he said “you know what? I like to pay for all the things when going out with girls, because I’m quite an ego man! hahaha! It makes me feels good!” I had nothing more to say but just let go a tired sigh and hopes this will end soonest as possible.
After the dinner, we walk around the mall for halve an hour before I can make excuses that my friend is waiting for me at my house and I need to go out. While walking I purposely brought him to borders where there are lots of good English novels there. So I advice him to read more books if he wants to improve his English. He looks very delighted and says “oh…I like it. You are so highly educated. So our dates next time will be you teaching me a lot of good English ya..?hehehe” I wanted to slap my own self for suggesting him to read more. Finally I just shut up and look for something I want to buy as a hobby, but it wasn’t there. Then he try to ask me what am I looking for. I just answered him “tarot cards”
He tried to look for me even though I said leave it. I’m leaving already & I need to go. Not knowing that he is going to do something so embarrassing and stupid in the quiet bookstore!
You know what he did? He went to the books assistant and ask for the item I wanted, and when the person ask him to jot down on the paper and how to spells it, (I was already halve way walking out of the store quite a distance away from him) He shouted out loud as if he’s in the market “Hey Caroline!! WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE THING AGAIN AHH?? TAROO CARS AHHH?!!HOW TO SPELL HAH?!!” I really wanted to make myself disappear on the spot and runs out of the bookstore. If I can. Everyone is looking at my direction and back to him again. I feel like dying!!! I just wave my hand a little and move my lips to say no need anymore, and I quickly walk out of the store in shame.
After I was in my car at last and finally leave this guy for good, I drove home quickly to wake myself up from another horrible nightmare. The guy even called me every night after that but I just ignores his call till today. Actually why is it so hard for us perfectionist girls to meet with a decent guy in life? There is always reason behind it… and my reason is I like to compare each of them with someone burry in my heart for years… Now you must be thinking ‘what?? Some1 actually touched missy ice queen’s heart? Is that possible?” Yes. So what if I’m missy ice queen? I’m a human too, and the story about this perfect gentleman will be coming soon on next chapter.
A funny video about disgusting funny blind date by SHANE DAWSON
Would love to share this video with y'll. It's so funny! enjoy watching!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
A view back of the worst date ever (Chapter 4)
29th June 2010Today is beautiful peaceful day, despite that Malvin already deleted me off his Facebook and block me from his via msn. Well… if he wish to behave to be so immature, I can’t do anything but to lose him as a friend. Is actually a waste for a 10 years friendship, but all I can say is…he’s the 1 that ruin it.
Anyway, when I drive to work today, I pass by the roadside hawker place near to my town which brings back memory of some funny worst date ever that I’ve been through 2 years back. He’s a real pervert guy that I’ve met in my life which still disgusts me until today. Roy is my brother-in-law’s best man during my sister’s marriage, and I’m the bride’s maid for my sister. I met him during the rehearsal of the church function for the w
edding day of my sis. When my sister introduces him to me, all I can see from this 32 years old guy was an average short plump guy, with a square face and tiny eyes with uncle-style looking specs, a pointy nose and funny small pursing lips which looks like he’s whistling all the time. In a blink of eyes I thought I saw a puffer fish! Lol!The first sentence he said to me was “nice ear ring”, and then he kept on eyeing me from the starting of rehearsal until now. Oh, I forgot to mention that he have hairs that stand up strait from his head and does not goes flat down which looks like an overturn scrubbing brush to me. Lol!! To cut the story short, the wedding day arrives and of course I dress to my best to be my sister’s most beautiful bride’s maid. When I arrive at church, he commented that I’m beautiful and asked for my phone number. I don’t know why that time I’ve lost my mind or what, I gave him my number. Maybe because I’m too busy serving guesses which coming non-stop and I gave him just for the sake of “go away, I’m busy now”. After the wedding day, there goes the worst date ever coming to me.
2 days after the event, Roy started to call me up and date me out for dinner. I’ve refer that to my sister because he is way too old for me as I’m only 23 that time, and he’s my sister’s friend. When my sis said he was ok, and asked me just go for the sake of meeting a new friend, so I just go for it. As usual when the night arrives I dress nicely and put on simple make up looking simple good. Roy gave me a call when he arrives at the front of my door and I go out and get into his car. The moment I’m in the car, when I look at him, all I can see is a puffer fish uncle looking man which puts on a weird smile to me. I control the urge to laugh and ignore my imagination and treat him as another friend.
Our conversation is the worst ever when he’s the one that questioned me much and I’m the one that is answering all his stupid questions. I remember he kept on asking about marriage questions like when..? How many kids..? This is super bored to me! When he finally asked me where to have our dinner, I just answered “your choice, I leave it up to you.” It was a super wrong answer! And never ever leave dining venue decision to the man when going out to a first date. Why? You will know on the next paragraph.
He parks the car near some shop lot. I thought he’s bringing me to 1 of the shop lot restaurant, but he walk quite a distance and finally we arrived. I was standing in the middle of a road side hawker stalls with plastic chairs & tables at the side of the road and a small little hawker cart selling “Bah Kut Teh”(Pork cook in herbal soup). It’s 8pm and the road is dark with only few dim lights enough to see the bowl of rice in front of me.“so...u like this meal?” he asked. I feels so much like answering him “hell of course NO Dumb ass! Look around you! We’re sitting right at the side of a big drain and it’s damn smelly! And the pork stinks! And…did I just saw a Rat??!!! Ewww!” but instead, I just smile and said “oh, is okay for me.” And he don’t seems like satisfy with my answer so he asked “ but you eat so little. Maybe you don’t really like pork?” I don’t know how am I going to tell him the truth that the pork stinks and so I just smile and say I’m not so hungry after all.
So after dinner, we started to chat a little before we go. He started off with talking about his job being an IT guy which nearly put me off to sleep and when is my turn, I talk about all kinds of computer games, nice food places(since he have a bad taste), and my family.
I can notice that he’s trying hard to catch up with me because he’s 10 years older than me. Halve way talking about my sister’s wedding, he started to show his disgusting thoughts and to my horror he is a real pervert that I wanted to leave the table right away.
He started of by asking whether or not my sister enjoy the first sex night with her husband, and it must be so satisfying….and wonders whether did they use lubricants or condoms or what kind of sexy pajamas she’s into. I begin to feel disgusted and try to change the topic to fashion instead, but fail to do when he asked more super pervert questions. “So… are you still a virgin? Have you tried oral sex? Or you want to keep your special for wedding night? Do you know that there are many types of condoms in the market? How much do you know about sex?”
For a second I was speechless and terrified with this pervert puffer fish man sitting in 1 table with me… and he’s staring at my breast! I pulled my blouse up and do some *ehem! Sound, which bring him back to senses. But he’s still expecting me to answer him. So I just say that all these questions are private and I’m not going to answer that. I insisted that I want to go home because it’s late and I’m sleepy. On our way to the car he tried to touch my waist and bum! I was feeling so gross at the top of my throat and distance my self far away from him, showing him the look of (f**k of your hand stupid puffer fish guy!) I think he gets it and stop gave up getting close to me. Situation gets worst when I met up with another of my brother-in-law’s friend on the street back to the car. He laughs at me and screamed “Enjoy your date..! hahahah!” At the moment I feel like killing my self right there and scream “we’re not dating!!!!! Help me be away from this jerk!!”
When I finally reach home, I slam the car door after saying a force goodbye to Mr. Pervert puffer fish and I ran into my house like there’s a million of zombies chasing after me in residents evil! I told my parents and my sisters what has happened and how I hate this pervert and will not see him again. My family was also in shock because from the looks of Roy, every one thought he’s a gentleman.
Roy did not gave up on me. He kept on texting me and calling me on the phone and leaving lots of msn messages asking me out again. I felt so sick of him and kept on ignoring him until he stops it. After a few months, my sister told me that she found out that he is a very pervert disgusting guy all the while because he will insist every of his dates to have sex with him and he will tell others how he is satisfied for each woman that he dated.
I was lucky enough to escape that night, but even though if he tries to do something bad to me, there is always a pepper spray in my bag! *evil grin*
Monday, June 28, 2010
Problem with best buddie (3rd chapter)
28/06/10
It’s a sux Monday today because there is big traffic jam once I drive out of my house to my work place. I was so impatient & swearing non-stop through out the jam. When I finally reached office I slam my car door hard & felt angry that I’m late because of the f***ing jam!
Now why am I in frustration again?.. Yes ofcourse I am! Because last 2 days I’ve another stupid man dilemma that strike my anger nerve once again. Worst of all he is my best friend. At times, I don’t understand why boys can behave so immature at their 20’s compare to girls. Sorry to say this but I felt as though they lost their brains sometimes in some situations.
Malvin is 1 of my best friend since ever high school till now. Another 2 best friends were girls & another boy. Since some of them shifted quite far away from my town, most of us just communicate through via msn nowadays. Despite Malvin, he’s the only 1 who is still in this town & that is the reason why we always hang out together. At times, some people mistaken us as a couple when I post pictures of us in FB. So I’ve to take all the effort to explain over and over again that we’re just best friend. I’m actually very blessed to have such a good friend that supports me in whatever I do and in bad times. His looks?
Since he is my buddy, I can’t start my head to toe critics of him because it isn’t a very pleasant thing to do. I can just say he looks very common but quite very tall and big size but not fat. Just big size, & not in the category of handsome guys in my list ;)
It’s a sux Monday today because there is big traffic jam once I drive out of my house to my work place. I was so impatient & swearing non-stop through out the jam. When I finally reached office I slam my car door hard & felt angry that I’m late because of the f***ing jam!
Now why am I in frustration again?.. Yes ofcourse I am! Because last 2 days I’ve another stupid man dilemma that strike my anger nerve once again. Worst of all he is my best friend. At times, I don’t understand why boys can behave so immature at their 20’s compare to girls. Sorry to say this but I felt as though they lost their brains sometimes in some situations.
Malvin is 1 of my best friend since ever high school till now. Another 2 best friends were girls & another boy. Since some of them shifted quite far away from my town, most of us just communicate through via msn nowadays. Despite Malvin, he’s the only 1 who is still in this town & that is the reason why we always hang out together. At times, some people mistaken us as a couple when I post pictures of us in FB. So I’ve to take all the effort to explain over and over again that we’re just best friend. I’m actually very blessed to have such a good friend that supports me in whatever I do and in bad times. His looks?
Since he is my buddy, I can’t start my head to toe critics of him because it isn’t a very pleasant thing to do. I can just say he looks very common but quite very tall and big size but not fat. Just big size, & not in the category of handsome guys in my list ;)
So what’s wrong with having a best male buddy & I’m complaining? Such a bi**h of me rite? Yup. That is the problem with a perfectionist. Back to the topic, Malvin is not just a common guy. I mean his looks is common but not his attitude. He’s a very sensitive, negative and immature person which at times when you chat with him for an hour you will feels like giving this person 2 slaps and walk away. Why is it so? Give you a few of the examples here : “I feels like stopping my job again. The boss sux! She commented that my working attire is not presentable & my hair is too long, I’m working in an office not a modeling company” my advice (then why not u use some of your salary to invest in some proper attire & have a hair cut? Cuz office has their own rules of looking presentable too) & this is the part you feels like slapping him “ why must I? I hate people who judge me by outlooks. I should not change, the world shall change not me!”
Now u gets it? Let me give you another example: “ I feels so lonely and no1 is caring about me anymore. If I ever die 1 day.. no1 will care also.. so I’m trying to go offline for sometime to hibernate in the jungle or what to be away from the world…sayonara dear..bye bye..” Now how am I supposed to respond on that? I really don’t know. He is not like me, I can bear with living on my own for a long time & does not need anyone to care about me. I try to understand him and gave back the support like how he supports me last time.
Another problem with Malvin is his speech is too passionate for a best friend and it really makes me feels so disgusting about it. Eveytime after a via msn chat, he will do like this : “good night dear.. Muakks! * a kissing picture icon” that send me Goosebumps all over my body! Or he will start the conversation with “dear..? How r u?” or at times even worst, he will write something on my facebook wall for example a birthday message “Happy birthday dear..muacks!” This really put me into much headache because everyone of my friends started to ask whether he’s my boy friend or not, and there goes my routine of trying to explain again. I wanted to tell him how uncomfortable when he is the only 1 friend that did this to me but I’m afraid to hurt him because he’s very sensitive.
Another thing is he always complain to me that he’s lonely and needed a girlfriend. And he will ask gross questions like “what if I fell inlove with you? What if I hug you?” Or even worst..”what if I rape u?hahahah” I don’t think these jokes are funny at all and I felt so disgusted. Everytime I ask him to stop asking stupid questions he will think that I’m joking and he will laugh. So… due to many years of friendship I try my best to put this problem aside and treat him like a best friend. Still not enough problems? Yes..still have a lot to say about him. Add on some sentence he will say on normal days each time he saw me online. “my heart is so painful and beating abnormally today..Maybe im dying soon. bye..” I didn’t eat the whole day and my hand is shaking now. Just for fun.haha”
And when I try to talk to him about how my stupid dates going on.. and how cute is a guy I met that day.. he will tell me stop talking this topic with him because he’s not interested and it hurts him.
I began to feel very uneasy when recently he told me that when he always goes out with me in 2 person, he’s afraid he will love me because he has a lonely heart, and he don’t like it at all when I mention about other guys. This is becoming serious because last time he did not act until like this. So I assume we meet too much and I shall keep a distance away from him for a while and remain his status in my heart as a best friend but nothing more than that. But that is not the main reason I keep myself offline from the net last whole week because I need some peace of mine from what is happening to those eww dates that the agency has put me into. So I wanted a break.
Result is, Malvin reacts very much on this matter. He starts sending me messages like
“ how come few days you have not talk to me online? U don’t want to talk to me anymore?” then a crying face icon. It gets worst when I complete a week of meditation without online on my own and ignores him. “Its been a week! A whole week we didn’t talk! How long do you want to do this to me? Why are you shutting me off your life?” Okay..it’s begin to sounds so scary of him now. I mean..what is this??? We’re just friends, and he’s not my lover and friends don’t need to talk everyday. But he sounding so much like I’m his girlfriend! He’s scaring me away. So before it gets worst, I try telling him how I feel uncomfortable he’s doing all the passionate conversation to me…that he’s always the best friend only to me… how best friend are like me & other best friends also. we also didn’t talk every day but sometimes to update each other or do some group gatherings…
His responds : “ you want me to be like them? They are all so fake! Common... i’m the only one that remain friends with you and stay by your side daily…do you know how other friends has gave up on you already? I pitty you.” Now this really makes me exploded in rage again, because I still have many friends that talk to me quite often and just because they are oversea & some are far away but we do meet up sometimes for a drink or 2. So he thinks he’s the only 1 friend that I have huh?!! And thinks that I can’t live without him eh?! Oh he’s so wronggggg..!! anywa
ys, I just ignores him after telling him to give me a long break out of this.The next thing I knew when I open my email on the following day, he says “ so this is goodbye? Alrite.. take care..i’m going to disappear online and you won’t see me anymore. Muacks!” I couldn’t be bother of that stupid email anymore because I felt so sick of him. I went shopping and chatting with other friends and have fun at clubs enjoying my weekend away. J you can say I’m heartless but I’ve tried to make it right and he don’t accept it. So enough is enough! These few days he stops appearing online and went silent. I don’t feel worry at all but I feel that he’s putting on a childish act again! Is like a child fail to have an ice cream from his mom and he goes on strike by not doing his homework.
Alright…that’s all for today’s update.. because I’m in the middle of my work am I’m blogging. :p just hope that no1 notice me typing so vigorously here. Lol!
Dream job (2nd chapter)
23/June/2010
Is another boring day.. but I had the sweetest dream last night that put a smile on my face. I dreamt that I’m studying in a boarding primary school. Yup, that’s fun..went back to kids time again. The school is beautiful like palace & I saw some of my primary school friends around asking me to play with them. All of them look so cute & perfect nice J
The happiest is I saw him.(My primary school sweet heart). I walk to him and have a good chat with him just like last time I use to do that with him every class break of ours.
By the way, we are still in contact recently, but he took up a job which requires him to travel a lot always. So there is no time for us to meet up so often. He is one of my perfect looking best friend & first love..
Anyway, he knew that I like him, just that I think he don’t really feel the same to me. I know..is always the same routine of (you love him but he don’t love you or he loves you but you hate him so much!) I guess that’s the reality & I hate it so much! I’m in the middle of my job now..sitting at my cubicle in the office & typing. To be honest, 9-5 job is a real boring job, but just to get some cash every month to fulfill my shopping urge.
My dream job is working at the beach side café or souvenir shop. Imagine everyday you are facing the beautiful beach & sea when you work..& right after work u can relax and stroll away at the beach.. handsome & pretties tourists hanging around..what a beautiful job that will be J but that will never going to come true in my life.
Is another boring day.. but I had the sweetest dream last night that put a smile on my face. I dreamt that I’m studying in a boarding primary school. Yup, that’s fun..went back to kids time again. The school is beautiful like palace & I saw some of my primary school friends around asking me to play with them. All of them look so cute & perfect nice J
The happiest is I saw him.(My primary school sweet heart). I walk to him and have a good chat with him just like last time I use to do that with him every class break of ours.
By the way, we are still in contact recently, but he took up a job which requires him to travel a lot always. So there is no time for us to meet up so often. He is one of my perfect looking best friend & first love..
Anyway, he knew that I like him, just that I think he don’t really feel the same to me. I know..is always the same routine of (you love him but he don’t love you or he loves you but you hate him so much!) I guess that’s the reality & I hate it so much! I’m in the middle of my job now..sitting at my cubicle in the office & typing. To be honest, 9-5 job is a real boring job, but just to get some cash every month to fulfill my shopping urge.
My dream job is working at the beach side café or souvenir shop. Imagine everyday you are facing the beautiful beach & sea when you work..& right after work u can relax and stroll away at the beach.. handsome & pretties tourists hanging around..what a beautiful job that will be J but that will never going to come true in my life.
1st chapter of stupid ugly date
I’m now 20+ and have step out in the adult world. Having to know that the world is not a fairytale but just a simple grey & blue boring life with only 5% perfect people, most of the time I’m depress but trying to control how I felt & try hard to change my thoughts and the way I see things. To my horror.. my character all these years is so well sunken into my soul & life. I no longer can change & accept whatever which does not look nice to me. I tried accepting guys which goes after me that looks fat, some looks skinny, some is totally with a too common looks. I end up could not even eat well & having night mares every night. I felt very embarrass every time I walks with them. In the end I just have to tell them off because they make me sick to my throat. This action does not feels good for my self either. This is because i felt that I’m so terrible & the worst is I cannot change for better.
Last month, my dad gave me a birthday present by joining me for a singles club online that will set up blind dates for us. Because I’m so lonely after all these years trying to choose my self the best guy ever but failed. I thought this time I tried to accept my dates & change again for better. On Sunday (yesterday) I was arrange to meet up with a guy 2 years older than me. I felt so anxious wondering how he will look like. I tried to slap away my stupid thoughts again. I was waiting by the pillar & looking out for him, expecting to be some1 looks common.
Suddenly a person looking quite ug*y came towards my direction.
I thought he was going to ask for directions or something. To my horror..it was him. He introduced him self. I try to swallow hard & push myself to smile & say hi. He’s dark, skinny, with squinted tiny eyes & a big mouth & his face is full with scars. Okay, I tell myself, I’m not going to see him by the looks, so let’s go & have a chat & dine with this gentleman. Though the whole dinner & conversation seems very interesting because we had many things in common, & he’s quite polite, but still felt very uneasy in my heart & if I saw some handsome guys walk past us, I can’t help to row my eyes towards them. That is sooo embarrassing of my habit. When we finally finished dinner, he suggest us to take a walk, I felt even more uneasy because that s the time he is going to walk beside me. As u know, when I go for shopping, (we had dinner at a shopping mall) I will wear my best outfit & my beautiful make up to look perfect from top to toe & is a bonus for me when I do look quite cute in reality.
Last month, my dad gave me a birthday present by joining me for a singles club online that will set up blind dates for us. Because I’m so lonely after all these years trying to choose my self the best guy ever but failed. I thought this time I tried to accept my dates & change again for better. On Sunday (yesterday) I was arrange to meet up with a guy 2 years older than me. I felt so anxious wondering how he will look like. I tried to slap away my stupid thoughts again. I was waiting by the pillar & looking out for him, expecting to be some1 looks common.
Suddenly a person looking quite ug*y came towards my direction.
I thought he was going to ask for directions or something. To my horror..it was him. He introduced him self. I try to swallow hard & push myself to smile & say hi. He’s dark, skinny, with squinted tiny eyes & a big mouth & his face is full with scars. Okay, I tell myself, I’m not going to see him by the looks, so let’s go & have a chat & dine with this gentleman. Though the whole dinner & conversation seems very interesting because we had many things in common, & he’s quite polite, but still felt very uneasy in my heart & if I saw some handsome guys walk past us, I can’t help to row my eyes towards them. That is sooo embarrassing of my habit. When we finally finished dinner, he suggest us to take a walk, I felt even more uneasy because that s the time he is going to walk beside me. As u know, when I go for shopping, (we had dinner at a shopping mall) I will wear my best outfit & my beautiful make up to look perfect from top to toe & is a bonus for me when I do look quite cute in reality.
So, during the walk.. he kept on talking away about his interest in movies & everything. Without notice, I can no longer force my self to pay attention to this poor guy. His voice eventually blends up with the mall’s music as a background to me. My eyes began to row towards beautiful clothes & accessories & my mind wonder to the urge of impulse shopping again. Suddenly I came back to senses when he ask “hey, what are you looking at?” I was a little irritated, but just said that I’m looking at nice things around. I cannot wait to make a move and flee away from this guy.
The meet up became worst when he insist me to stay longer for a drink. Well, I promise myself to change for better so I force myself once again to sit down and have a drink again. I felt as though the time is ticking away so slowly & all I wanted to do is finish my drink quickly & tell him I’m leaving. Halve way when he’s talking about movies, I saw two couples queuing up to buy drinks. Hell yes!.. the guy is so handsome. I can’t help to watch with envy eyes. In my mind I was thinking how on earth that this girl can have something that I wanted so badly! I wanted to take it from her right there & that time. My anger rise up to the maximum when people look at us. I know what they are thinking! (beauty & the beast) right??!! My face is hot and I really wish to leave right away.
Finally I voice out, that I have to go because I’ve a friend waiting for me around the mall and I’m in a hurry. He offer me a company to find my friend. At that moment I felt so worry that my friend will laugh at me dating such a grade C guy for my taste is impossible. So I find excuses to make him leave me alone. “I prefer to meet my friend alone because they are not expecting strangers along.” (I know I’m terrible) but I can’t control anymore. Is like my own character & routine to do all these things. He look a little disappointed when we said good bye and I leave quickly like there are torpedo rockets stick to my shoes.
A breath of relieve escape from my mouth when he is not in sight anymore. I just completed a blind date with some eww looking guy which I won’t even think about it if I don’t force my self. I thought I succeed making a change of my character for better, but when I’m home, my true character explode into flame when my parents asked how was my date. “He’s disgusting! I can’t believe that I actually went out with some one looking that bad! What if there are friends suddenly bump into me while we’re walking?! Lucky that didn’t happen rite??!! Oh Gosh!! I’m going to scold the single’s club agent tomorrow for giving me a piece of shit!!” I could not control myself anymore.. I was totally controlled by my anger & frustration. Whole night I couldn’t have a good sleep through out the morning. That guy even text me before I went to bed, and ask wether I’ve an awesome night out. I was even angrier without thinking twice just delete off the message & shut off my phone.
I woke up in the next morning still feeling angry & frustrated the moment I open my eyes. I don’t know why I could not hold back my horrible attitude. I have tried so hard but I just failed & I’m feeling so tired.
The following day, I was happy again. Another part of me (the good side) feels like I’m such a horrible lady & I’m cold blooded. Once again I failed to change & I hurt another guy which is not perfect looking. I felt like I deserve a punishment to be alone for the rest of my life. I’ve sinned through my mouth, my actions & I don’t know how to face God anymore. Though in my mind I’m still very worry that next week the agent will do the same to me. Another bad looking guy for the blind date. Dad help me to signed up for 5 dates packages. That is a real torture..but I’ve to go because It has been paid.
Introduction
Is the most disappointing Sunday for me.. & I know my dad's $1,300.00 birthday present is gone cheated away.
Well..to be honest, I admit that I’m a perfectionist & always demand things comes in all kinds of good packages. I tried to change, but no matter how hard I tried to accept B or C grade stuffs, it still does not work for me. In the end those things will be chuck aside & I will end up buying A grade. It require me to pay more..but the satisfaction is fantastic & always put a smile on my face after that.
Actually, this is all got to do with my childhood & how I grew up. Since ever pre-school mom started to buy me beautiful fairy tales of how pretty princesses will end up marrying handsome rich princes & as usual “happy ever after”. Then, I started to stick handsome & cute actor’s posters on my room wall, & collect their pictures as a hobby. I was about only 8 years old that time. Mom & dad does not stop me from doing it because is not something bad & I’m just doing it on my free time. Other things that parents bought for me just have to be the best & flawless. So I’m the youngest in family & a spoiled brat.
My parents don’t know that these little things will cause a major mistake in my future.
Well..to be honest, I admit that I’m a perfectionist & always demand things comes in all kinds of good packages. I tried to change, but no matter how hard I tried to accept B or C grade stuffs, it still does not work for me. In the end those things will be chuck aside & I will end up buying A grade. It require me to pay more..but the satisfaction is fantastic & always put a smile on my face after that.
Actually, this is all got to do with my childhood & how I grew up. Since ever pre-school mom started to buy me beautiful fairy tales of how pretty princesses will end up marrying handsome rich princes & as usual “happy ever after”. Then, I started to stick handsome & cute actor’s posters on my room wall, & collect their pictures as a hobby. I was about only 8 years old that time. Mom & dad does not stop me from doing it because is not something bad & I’m just doing it on my free time. Other things that parents bought for me just have to be the best & flawless. So I’m the youngest in family & a spoiled brat.
My parents don’t know that these little things will cause a major mistake in my future.
I grew up very naïve & kind of silly in my own fairy tale world. I thought every thing in this world are as beautiful as those fairy tales & everything will be perfect. I end up only paying attention on every little nice thing in the market & also only look at people that are pretty & handsome. My parents were busy with their own things so they did not really know I see the world this way. In my secondary school, I tried chasing after cute guys because I thought that is so fairy tale style & I thought they are just like those prince in the show. They will love me & happy ever after. But..i got my first rejection in form 1. 13 years old. I don’t know why he doesn’t want to accept my love, & I don’t know why my heart is so painful. I felt so frustrated because that is the first time I can’t have things that I wanted, which is love.. Time goes on even more painfully when I had a few more heart brokens right till my college time because I only go for perfect looking guys.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)