This is a very suitable nice song for this the last chapter : A drop of tears in my cup of love.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A drop of tears in my cup of love. (Chapter 6)
21/07/10
Today is a very fresh morning full with morning dew, because it’s been raining through out the whole night. When I look at how the sunrise finally clear up the sky, I just couldn’t help to wish my love for him will be just like a sunrise, finally he will come back and take me to be his beloved girl. A very unrealistic dream for me all this while, but not many people know about the existence of him in my life. Maybe I don’t wish others to know so much about me.
Since I’m a perfectionist, I appear to be cold, demanding and a little of snobbish in the public eyes. I’ve never ever regret in any cold actions I’ve done to any guys but just ONE. This ONE that I will never forgive my self for doing it until today and I live in regrets. Inside the cold heart of mine, there is a little warm corner there to keep him safe and buried deep inside with love. Maybe this is the reason why I’m not satisfied with all other guys coming to me.
So…let’s begin this heart aching love story.
Tommy used to be my childhood best friend in pre-school. Guess I’ve highlighted it in one of the chapters back right? Thinking back it is kind of sweet and cute of us. We would spend our recess time together everyday, and we would eat and play behind the generator box at the school field. We were only 10 years old that time. My mom forbids me from keeping long hair last time. So I’m the only weird boy-cut hair girl in the whole school. I’ve not much friends because of that and most of my little classmates loves to make fun of me looking like a boy but wearing a skirt. Tommy is the only friend that is willing to become my best friend and wait for me in front of the classroom door every time the recess-time-bell rings.
We had many things in common, and so our conversation daily will never come to an end. Lol! And even after school hours at home, he will still call me on the house phone to discuss about homework and some simple afternoon chat. Our family knew us well and since it’s a very healthy friendship they are very supportive as well.
Things change when we reach 11 and a halve years old when my stupid perfectionist character develop way beyond than just a child’s thinking. Tommy is not consider a good looking kid. He is a skinny kid with a normal sleepy eyes looks, but he have a big heart and is the kindest friend that I’ve ever known in my life. During standard 5, I had a puppy crush on another top class boy kid and his family is rich. He is very cute with nice complexion.
I tried to befriend him and wasted my own school saving money to buy birthday present for him. Of course, he don’t appreciate much with my tom-boy looks, and so I bag my mom for me to keep my hair till my shoulder.
After I had my hair long, I begin to bloom as well. I love the way I look and when relatives were praising how pretty I’ve grown up to be, I was so happy! As for Tommy, He is still the skinny simple looking kid but he never change his warm heart friendship towards me. The kid I’ve crush on begin to accept me as his little puppy love girlfriend. It was a happy time for me, but when other friends were asking me whether I choose Tommy or him, I was irritated. I told them Tommy was just my best friend. My friends do not believe and kept on teasing me & Tommy instead of the kid I like.
One day, I did a very stupid and dump decision in my life. This is the decision where I regret up to today itself. When Tommy is waiting at the front door of my class for recess, I ignored him. I walk past him and head to the classroom of my crush. He kept on calling up to me and asked me why I am doing this to him. I Just walk away leaving him with a sad face behind. I totally stop being friends with Tommy just to stop other friends from teasing me. I thought this is great and I’ve better chance with my crush. (I feels like jumping back into the scene & slap myself in that year and killing her for doing this to Tommy!)
Days pass by, and Tommy found a new friend to be with, but looking at his eyes when I pass by, I know the girl can never replace me. My heart does not feel good. I don’t know why. Especially when I see him with that new girl. I feel as though I’ve been replaced. I began to miss my time with Tommy, but I’m too ego to say sorry and make up with him again. So I leave it to be.
We finished pre-school and the last time I met him before we went to different high-school was in a mall. He just glares at me from far and I wanted to say sorry but no words escaped from my mouth because of my own pride. After that, we never meet again.
During high school, I was an unhappy teenage girl. I seldom talks and concentrate on my studies. There are guys that come and go in my life through out my school days, but it wouldn’t last long and I felt unhappy. At year 4, I wanted to find Tommy. I wanted to tell him I’m so sorry and that I really like to be with him. But I could not find him as I threw away his address and number when I’m 11 years old last time.
These regretful feelings were buried in my heart right till I entered college. I grew to be more cold hearted and quite a lonely girl at college, thank God I’ve a few friends to accompany me when I’m down. Do you believe in “what comes around goes around?” Later on in life I found out that I & Tommy were in the same college. His course floor is just beneath my course floor, but we never met at all for 2 and a halve years studying there. I don’t even know he studies there. I feel like God is punishing me for dumping this good friend aside last time and now I can’t have him back forever.
When I entered the working world, “friendster” is a hit online ;) Suddenly, Tommy came into my mind again and I tried to search for his name in friendster. Yes.. he is in friendster. I was so speechless happy and message him in friendster adding him as my friend there. Next few days I was waiting impatiently for his responds. At last Tommy replied. He says Hi and how am I doing all these years. He seems to forget how bad I’ve treated him. But I still goes for an apologize to him for what I’ve done to our friendship and hopes he will forgive me. He just laughs it away and says it’s been so many years and he has forgotten it. He says no worries he forgave me. A relieved escape from my heart when I found him and he forgave me.
Things are not the same again, but he has never change. He is still the warm hearted kind guy like the small kid last time. Result from this, many girls like to befriend with him, and those girls are very pretty with great body figure! But surprisingly he is still a single.
I wanted to meet him again, and catch up with him on how he’s doing recently. He said he would like to, but he can’t, because he have taken up a job situated in Singapore and flying around to different countries every week. He is an air steward.
That’s it. I’ve lost him forever and now he is busy flying everywhere… I did cried and I did depress about it, but that wouldn’t change anything to it.
It’s been 2 years, and last year he called me up in month of July. That month I just recover from a very ill sickness and I’m quite weak. I was surprised he called to meet up because he had 2 weeks leave to rest in Malaysia. Of course I’m dancing in joy and can’t wait for the day to come. Finally on a fine Wednesday we met up for lunch but he also called the other girl to join us. (The 1 that replace me in pre-school last time). Waiting inside a Japanese decorative store, I’m so anxious and having butterflies fluttering in my tummy. Finally he called and told me he is outside waiting. The girl was late. So we got to meet up in 2 for quite some time before she comes, which is good.hahah!
I slowly walk out of the shop, and saw a skinny simple looking guy standing there in the middle waiting patiently with a smile.
Suddenly, the view of pre-school time flash back to me at once. That’s how he waited for me everyday in front of the class door.
And comes back to senses I was standing in front of him. He is so tall! And he still has those cute sleepy eyes! Okay… I know everyone must be thinking me falling for a skinny simple guy is impossible, but he is not just any simple guy…he is Tommy!
He said hello and we walk to a bench to sit down and have a chat while waiting for another girl. Sitting side by side brings back the feeling of us during childhood and my heart is burning with unexplainable happiness. We had a good chat and surprised that so many things has happen to each other’s life through out these years.
After some time, that girl arrives and we went to a restaurant to have our lunch. I was amaze that Tommy can actually eat a lot even though he is thin. I could not eat much as I said I just recovered from a major illness and I don’t look my best too. I look quite weak with tired complexion. I seem not to care much about that, right there I just care about how happy I was to have met Tommy again. Happy times was finally over, and he have to go by evening. I feel so much like freezing up the time and ask him to stay. Finally he’s gone again after a good bye.
That was the last time I saw him till today. We did contact each other in msn or facebook, but most of the time he is busy flying from country to country. In September last year when I visited Singapore I can’t even meet him because he’s away to Beijing,China. Now everyday I do meet new guys but as u read those chapters behind…they sux. They can never be like Tommy.
But I know is too late…with his job, we are separated forever and this is the result of me being such a nut crap! During my childhood. Even though he has forgiven me, but I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to him last time.
I miss him so much everyday of my life and I hope that he will come back home for good so that I could tell him the hidden words in my heart for all these years… “I Love You Tommy”…
Ps : You know I actually saw the rich cute kid last time that I had crush on when I left Tommy? He just walked past the street in front of me 1 day. He’s a fat, sloppy guy with very bad pimple face and looks so eww now! Yucks! :p
Today is a very fresh morning full with morning dew, because it’s been raining through out the whole night. When I look at how the sunrise finally clear up the sky, I just couldn’t help to wish my love for him will be just like a sunrise, finally he will come back and take me to be his beloved girl. A very unrealistic dream for me all this while, but not many people know about the existence of him in my life. Maybe I don’t wish others to know so much about me.
Since I’m a perfectionist, I appear to be cold, demanding and a little of snobbish in the public eyes. I’ve never ever regret in any cold actions I’ve done to any guys but just ONE. This ONE that I will never forgive my self for doing it until today and I live in regrets. Inside the cold heart of mine, there is a little warm corner there to keep him safe and buried deep inside with love. Maybe this is the reason why I’m not satisfied with all other guys coming to me.
So…let’s begin this heart aching love story.
Tommy used to be my childhood best friend in pre-school. Guess I’ve highlighted it in one of the chapters back right? Thinking back it is kind of sweet and cute of us. We would spend our recess time together everyday, and we would eat and play behind the generator box at the school field. We were only 10 years old that time. My mom forbids me from keeping long hair last time. So I’m the only weird boy-cut hair girl in the whole school. I’ve not much friends because of that and most of my little classmates loves to make fun of me looking like a boy but wearing a skirt. Tommy is the only friend that is willing to become my best friend and wait for me in front of the classroom door every time the recess-time-bell rings.
We had many things in common, and so our conversation daily will never come to an end. Lol! And even after school hours at home, he will still call me on the house phone to discuss about homework and some simple afternoon chat. Our family knew us well and since it’s a very healthy friendship they are very supportive as well.
Things change when we reach 11 and a halve years old when my stupid perfectionist character develop way beyond than just a child’s thinking. Tommy is not consider a good looking kid. He is a skinny kid with a normal sleepy eyes looks, but he have a big heart and is the kindest friend that I’ve ever known in my life. During standard 5, I had a puppy crush on another top class boy kid and his family is rich. He is very cute with nice complexion.
I tried to befriend him and wasted my own school saving money to buy birthday present for him. Of course, he don’t appreciate much with my tom-boy looks, and so I bag my mom for me to keep my hair till my shoulder.
After I had my hair long, I begin to bloom as well. I love the way I look and when relatives were praising how pretty I’ve grown up to be, I was so happy! As for Tommy, He is still the skinny simple looking kid but he never change his warm heart friendship towards me. The kid I’ve crush on begin to accept me as his little puppy love girlfriend. It was a happy time for me, but when other friends were asking me whether I choose Tommy or him, I was irritated. I told them Tommy was just my best friend. My friends do not believe and kept on teasing me & Tommy instead of the kid I like.
One day, I did a very stupid and dump decision in my life. This is the decision where I regret up to today itself. When Tommy is waiting at the front door of my class for recess, I ignored him. I walk past him and head to the classroom of my crush. He kept on calling up to me and asked me why I am doing this to him. I Just walk away leaving him with a sad face behind. I totally stop being friends with Tommy just to stop other friends from teasing me. I thought this is great and I’ve better chance with my crush. (I feels like jumping back into the scene & slap myself in that year and killing her for doing this to Tommy!)
Days pass by, and Tommy found a new friend to be with, but looking at his eyes when I pass by, I know the girl can never replace me. My heart does not feel good. I don’t know why. Especially when I see him with that new girl. I feel as though I’ve been replaced. I began to miss my time with Tommy, but I’m too ego to say sorry and make up with him again. So I leave it to be.
We finished pre-school and the last time I met him before we went to different high-school was in a mall. He just glares at me from far and I wanted to say sorry but no words escaped from my mouth because of my own pride. After that, we never meet again.
During high school, I was an unhappy teenage girl. I seldom talks and concentrate on my studies. There are guys that come and go in my life through out my school days, but it wouldn’t last long and I felt unhappy. At year 4, I wanted to find Tommy. I wanted to tell him I’m so sorry and that I really like to be with him. But I could not find him as I threw away his address and number when I’m 11 years old last time.
These regretful feelings were buried in my heart right till I entered college. I grew to be more cold hearted and quite a lonely girl at college, thank God I’ve a few friends to accompany me when I’m down. Do you believe in “what comes around goes around?” Later on in life I found out that I & Tommy were in the same college. His course floor is just beneath my course floor, but we never met at all for 2 and a halve years studying there. I don’t even know he studies there. I feel like God is punishing me for dumping this good friend aside last time and now I can’t have him back forever.
When I entered the working world, “friendster” is a hit online ;) Suddenly, Tommy came into my mind again and I tried to search for his name in friendster. Yes.. he is in friendster. I was so speechless happy and message him in friendster adding him as my friend there. Next few days I was waiting impatiently for his responds. At last Tommy replied. He says Hi and how am I doing all these years. He seems to forget how bad I’ve treated him. But I still goes for an apologize to him for what I’ve done to our friendship and hopes he will forgive me. He just laughs it away and says it’s been so many years and he has forgotten it. He says no worries he forgave me. A relieved escape from my heart when I found him and he forgave me.
Things are not the same again, but he has never change. He is still the warm hearted kind guy like the small kid last time. Result from this, many girls like to befriend with him, and those girls are very pretty with great body figure! But surprisingly he is still a single.
I wanted to meet him again, and catch up with him on how he’s doing recently. He said he would like to, but he can’t, because he have taken up a job situated in Singapore and flying around to different countries every week. He is an air steward.
That’s it. I’ve lost him forever and now he is busy flying everywhere… I did cried and I did depress about it, but that wouldn’t change anything to it.
It’s been 2 years, and last year he called me up in month of July. That month I just recover from a very ill sickness and I’m quite weak. I was surprised he called to meet up because he had 2 weeks leave to rest in Malaysia. Of course I’m dancing in joy and can’t wait for the day to come. Finally on a fine Wednesday we met up for lunch but he also called the other girl to join us. (The 1 that replace me in pre-school last time). Waiting inside a Japanese decorative store, I’m so anxious and having butterflies fluttering in my tummy. Finally he called and told me he is outside waiting. The girl was late. So we got to meet up in 2 for quite some time before she comes, which is good.hahah!
I slowly walk out of the shop, and saw a skinny simple looking guy standing there in the middle waiting patiently with a smile.
Suddenly, the view of pre-school time flash back to me at once. That’s how he waited for me everyday in front of the class door.
And comes back to senses I was standing in front of him. He is so tall! And he still has those cute sleepy eyes! Okay… I know everyone must be thinking me falling for a skinny simple guy is impossible, but he is not just any simple guy…he is Tommy!
He said hello and we walk to a bench to sit down and have a chat while waiting for another girl. Sitting side by side brings back the feeling of us during childhood and my heart is burning with unexplainable happiness. We had a good chat and surprised that so many things has happen to each other’s life through out these years.
After some time, that girl arrives and we went to a restaurant to have our lunch. I was amaze that Tommy can actually eat a lot even though he is thin. I could not eat much as I said I just recovered from a major illness and I don’t look my best too. I look quite weak with tired complexion. I seem not to care much about that, right there I just care about how happy I was to have met Tommy again. Happy times was finally over, and he have to go by evening. I feel so much like freezing up the time and ask him to stay. Finally he’s gone again after a good bye.
That was the last time I saw him till today. We did contact each other in msn or facebook, but most of the time he is busy flying from country to country. In September last year when I visited Singapore I can’t even meet him because he’s away to Beijing,China. Now everyday I do meet new guys but as u read those chapters behind…they sux. They can never be like Tommy.
But I know is too late…with his job, we are separated forever and this is the result of me being such a nut crap! During my childhood. Even though he has forgiven me, but I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to him last time.
I miss him so much everyday of my life and I hope that he will come back home for good so that I could tell him the hidden words in my heart for all these years… “I Love You Tommy”…
Ps : You know I actually saw the rich cute kid last time that I had crush on when I left Tommy? He just walked past the street in front of me 1 day. He’s a fat, sloppy guy with very bad pimple face and looks so eww now! Yucks! :p
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
A Phua Chu Kang Date?!!! (Chapter 5)
19/07/2010
It’s been so long I didn’t blog because last week was a super busy week at work.. I feel as though my body is falling apart everyday coming home from my work day. Oh well, that is a working life babe.
Anyway, I have another funny date story to tell about. It happens last 2 week’s Friday ago. This guy is funny & disgusting at the same time. Even when I have not met him in person, his phone calls conversation is enough to kill me! Nelson is a sales executive guy. I think that’s what he calls himself as because from what I know, he is just a sales representative person who runs around selling hand phone parts. Alright...so maybe I shouldn’t judge him by his job and is unfair right? Fine~... Wait till you hear this conversation on the phone when he asked me out for a date!
“Hello! You are..err..CARELINE right? Hi. I’m Nelson!” you see, I hate people pronouncing my name wrongly, especially when he calls me CARELINE! I’m not a toll booth for careline customer centre!! I’m Caroline!
It’s been so long I didn’t blog because last week was a super busy week at work.. I feel as though my body is falling apart everyday coming home from my work day. Oh well, that is a working life babe.
Anyway, I have another funny date story to tell about. It happens last 2 week’s Friday ago. This guy is funny & disgusting at the same time. Even when I have not met him in person, his phone calls conversation is enough to kill me! Nelson is a sales executive guy. I think that’s what he calls himself as because from what I know, he is just a sales representative person who runs around selling hand phone parts. Alright...so maybe I shouldn’t judge him by his job and is unfair right? Fine~... Wait till you hear this conversation on the phone when he asked me out for a date!
“Hello! You are..err..CARELINE right? Hi. I’m Nelson!” you see, I hate people pronouncing my name wrongly, especially when he calls me CARELINE! I’m not a toll booth for careline customer centre!! I’m Caroline!
After I corrected him to pronounce my name, I notice that his English is damn bad and he can’t even build a simple english sentence for a proper conversation. And he is not even a Chinese educated at all..! He is in sekolah kebangsaan (Government school) just like me, but he’s in those kind of back classes. So it makes him like a non-mandarin and also non-english = rojak phua chu kang guy!! Add on to the disgusting phone call conversation, he said “hey erm, u don’t mind I come to meet you right after work ya? Cause u know my job runs around… so I might smells you know? hahahahahah! if you can take it lah...sorry ah wei! I like to joke a lot and very direct! Hope u don’t mind!” sounds like phua chu kang? Haha.. wait till you read the following speech. “so…u really don’t mind?? I might smells like the big smelly drain or worst like shit! Buahahahahrr!!” I was speechless and wanted to reject this date so much!
He sounds not just like PCK but also like sort of pasar malam hawkers style which really piss me off! I knew I had no choice as this is the 2nd guy in the package for that stupid hell blind dates which I will never ever try again! I just told him to come on time and I shut off my phone whenever he calls. Cause it really discuss me a lot even by only listening to his voice and laughter.
On the day itself, I was so reluctant like a poor kitty being drag to the bathtub for a warm bathe. Mourning away in my heart I drag myself to meet Nelson who’s already waiting at the restaurant.
Sitting there at a corner was a skinny guy dress in working attire, wearing glasses, dark complexion, face with some pimples and overall fail for the outlook in my list!
During conversation I tried to look at him closely, and notice he have deep sunken eyes beneath the glasses. And poor skin condition. This guy really needs a dermatology :s he also have bad breath and when he speaks closely to me.. well… now he does smells like big smelly drain!
The dinner was a torture for me again. He talks non-stop and his broken pasar English is making me sick! I feels like I’m having dinner with a fish monger at the wet market! This is an example of his boring conversation : “So in normal days what do you do ah?? Do you go out at night a lot? For me I just go home everyday after work and watch TV astro. Cuz u know lah..after a work day so tired hor.. haha!”
“How many times you have been courting before ah?? How many exes you have so far? But see your looks also I can guess more than 15 lah..! hahahar!”
And this is the most funny statement from him: “Nowadays ah..lots of ‘leng muis’ (young girls) like to talk about ‘fewl’ (feelings). But for me, I think is stupid! Cause my 3 exes also we have no ‘fewl’ but I just go along to make our ‘fewl’ come out after some years. Do you agree??” My answer was : “I totally disagree, because it is important to have feelings for your partner in a relationship. Either wise why wasting time to be together?, I must as well find other friends to be with during my fun time, is just the same as going out with some1 that I don’t have feelings with. And by the way you broke up with all of them in the end because you still can’t have the feelings out for them. You’re just wasting your time.”
Surprisingly this guy is also quite good in debating in his ‘ah beng’ style. He replied “No no.. I broke up because they all like to go clubbing too much. They smoke and drink. So what I want is a good girl that suitable to be a wife and my mother always rushing me to find 1.hahaha!” At the moment I feels like I’m going to throw up my halve eaten chicken on my dinner plate. I can’t imagine me being a wife to this disgusting guy in front of me! Nightmaressss!!...
When the torturing dinner is finally finished, he asked for the bill. And he said “you know what? I like to pay for all the things when going out with girls, because I’m quite an ego man! hahaha! It makes me feels good!” I had nothing more to say but just let go a tired sigh and hopes this will end soonest as possible.
After the dinner, we walk around the mall for halve an hour before I can make excuses that my friend is waiting for me at my house and I need to go out. While walking I purposely brought him to borders where there are lots of good English novels there. So I advice him to read more books if he wants to improve his English. He looks very delighted and says “oh…I like it. You are so highly educated. So our dates next time will be you teaching me a lot of good English ya..?hehehe” I wanted to slap my own self for suggesting him to read more. Finally I just shut up and look for something I want to buy as a hobby, but it wasn’t there. Then he try to ask me what am I looking for. I just answered him “tarot cards”
He tried to look for me even though I said leave it. I’m leaving already & I need to go. Not knowing that he is going to do something so embarrassing and stupid in the quiet bookstore!
You know what he did? He went to the books assistant and ask for the item I wanted, and when the person ask him to jot down on the paper and how to spells it, (I was already halve way walking out of the store quite a distance away from him) He shouted out loud as if he’s in the market “Hey Caroline!! WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE THING AGAIN AHH?? TAROO CARS AHHH?!!HOW TO SPELL HAH?!!” I really wanted to make myself disappear on the spot and runs out of the bookstore. If I can. Everyone is looking at my direction and back to him again. I feel like dying!!! I just wave my hand a little and move my lips to say no need anymore, and I quickly walk out of the store in shame.
After I was in my car at last and finally leave this guy for good, I drove home quickly to wake myself up from another horrible nightmare. The guy even called me every night after that but I just ignores his call till today. Actually why is it so hard for us perfectionist girls to meet with a decent guy in life? There is always reason behind it… and my reason is I like to compare each of them with someone burry in my heart for years… Now you must be thinking ‘what?? Some1 actually touched missy ice queen’s heart? Is that possible?” Yes. So what if I’m missy ice queen? I’m a human too, and the story about this perfect gentleman will be coming soon on next chapter.
A funny video about disgusting funny blind date by SHANE DAWSON
Would love to share this video with y'll. It's so funny! enjoy watching!
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